High-Way #3 - Full Responsibility
YOUR CHOICE!
Please complete one of the exercises below and post your thoughts, or simply post a comment related to Higway #3.
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#1. The day we acknowledge that every problem and therefore every solution begins with us is a big day. It is the day that ends Blaming and Complaining and moves us into Acting and Dreaming. Challenge yourself for the next 24 hours to track how many times you B.C. In order for this exercise to work, you'll need to RISK being honest with yourself. Catching ourselves in BC'ing is a huge step in the right direction. The first step in changing a habit is becoming aware of when you do it.
#2. "You spot it, you got it." Psychologists have discovered that what we admire most in other people is a trait that is in us, although it may be hidden from view at the moment. The things we admire most in others are reflections of the good qualities in ourselves that we have not yet accepted. Psychologists have also discovered that whatever we despise most in other people is a trait that is in us, although it may be hidden from view at the moment.
#3. What does it mean to "should" on somebody? In 8 to Great, we realize we feel better and are more powerful when we move from "They should" to "I should."
#4. We do not get the life we deserve; we get the life we expect. Life is our mirror. How people treat us is a reflection of how we treat ourselves and others.
I agree with the..."Taking Full Responsibility for you life is one of the most freeing experiences you can have." Sometimes we need to stop trying to look to others to make us happy, and instead focus on making ourselves happy by doing it in our own ways. One way to stay in our own business is to ask yourself, "If it's not within my ability to change it, how can it be my responsibility?" The only life we can live peacefully is our own. I liked the section on dealing with "Shoulds." When we tell people what they should do, we're trying to control them and eventually they'll rebel. The best alternative to telling someone to change is to change yourself. I AM IN CHARGE OF MY LIFE (favorite quote from this chapter).
ReplyDeleteWhat can I do for me to be successful? Take responsibility for your everyday experiences. If you take full responsibility you will take more ownership in your successes and learn more from your failures. What would our school be like if everyone was acting and dreaming but not only students but also staff members. I should take responsibility of what happens in my life instead of saying you should do this to make this successful.
ReplyDelete#2 is very interesting! I think I have learned to consider that if I don't like a quality in another person, I need to examine my own personality and behavior before I judge the other person. But what a neat idea that the opposite can also be true, that something you admire in someone else is probably a quality in yourself, and a quality you disapprove of, could be the exact quality you possess! It would be a good exercise to make a list of traits I admire in others and check to see if I am demonstrating those traits (and also do this with the negatives).
ReplyDeleteAs for taking responsibility for my actions: In the past I have been guilty of letting something that angered or upset me ruin my entire day, and it may have been a single comment or action by someone else. But I am glad to say that I am learning to tell myself that I have the power to change MY attitude and not be miserable over something that I probably don't have control over to begin with. I can control my attitude, which makes for a better day.
#4 is a good reminder for me, as I tend to be overly critical of my son, and I need to take a step back, not sweat the small stuff, and hopefully the way I treat him will be a reflection of how he treats me.
Penny
About two years ago, I gave each student in one of my classes a note card that they used for 24 hours to track how many times they blamed or complained. In order for this exercise to work, the students needed to RISK being honest with themselves. Every time they complained - in the hallway on their way to class, at lunch, on their way home, at dinnertime, or at bedtime - they made a diagonal slash on the card. They also had to put down a diagonal slash if they are disciplined and instead blamed someone or something else for it.It was an amazing activity with my students. Some students came back with 20 or more marks on their note card. We talked about the effects of blaming and complaining. Every time you blame and complain, you knock yourself down a point on the POWER PYRAMID.
ReplyDeleteWe live in a society that is constantly blaming - the government, schools, our neighbors - it seems that everyone has power "over" us. 8 to Great has helped me to move out of the victim role and made me realize that I am in charge of my own destiny. It has helped me find my power. So tomorrow instead of blaming someone and complaining about all the meetings we have to attend, I am going to make the most of it.
"Life is 10% what you're given and 90% what you do with it." Charles Swindoll
Guilty. I am so guilty of "blaming and complaining." Especially these last couple of weeks. When the responsibilities of school and family pile up, and it seems that there just aren't enough hours in the day, my blaming and complaining gets worse. Take yesterday, for example. Though it may have marked the beginning of what should be a "normal" few weeks for our family (the varsity girls' basketball season has come to an end), I think I was at my absolute worst. I complained about school, our School Improvement Committee, and the chores at home that had once again gone undone, just to name a few. What great therapy it has been for me to read through the posts for this highway. I'll walk through the doors at school today and no longer play the role of the victim. I'll focus on the "I should" instead of the "he/she should." I need to experiment with Twila's blaming & complaining activity (something I'd love to try it with the kids in my classroom as well) and take back my power. Twila, keep your eye on me today. If you catch me blaming or complaining, or feeding off of someone else who is blaming and complaining, come on over and put a mark on my card. :)
ReplyDeleteThis Hiway was very good.. I agree with Trish....we are in charge of our own lives....I can only take care of what is within my power to take care of.....I can NOT fix somebody else...I can only fix me!!!! The "I should" vs. the "You/they Should" was very good also....We have had some good discussion of this hiway here at Wallace...(Trish, Shelly, Jackie, and Kris, and myself)...Looking forward to living more aware of the blaming/complaining....
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Trish on how we are in charge of our own lives. One thing that really hit me while reading was the section on who we're not responsible for. The quote from Byron Katie states---"There are only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours and God's. Suffering only occurs when we are in business other than our own." This is a reminder of being in control of yourself and staying focused on the "I should."
ReplyDelete